Have you ever wondered why society is going to hell? If you’re too busy to uncover the real answer, blame the Internet. Everyone else does.

In case you haven’t heard, the internet is the cause of all the world’s problems.

From promiscuity to schoolyard bullying to sex addiction, these and every other blight can be traced back to the same source.

If not for the web, our planet would be free from such maladies.

Remember the song Blame Canada from the South Park movie? Just take “Canada” and replace it with “the internet:”

Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the images on TV? No, blame the Internet.”

It doesn’t rhyme, but not to worry. That doesn’t detract from the underlying truth: Because of the Internet, the world is generally a worse place.

Want more examples? The web is also responsible for another change that hits close to home for this columnist: the death of the newspaper.

The conventional wisdom is that readers have deserted print newspapers, eschewing them for online alternatives. No one bothers to question this “fact” anymore.

And no one ever bothers to argue perhaps it isn’t the Internet that’s destroying newspapers, but lazy journalism.

It doesn’t stop there: the Internet is also killing the music industry, just like home taping did 30 years ago.

But it hasn’t always been this way. There was a time before the Internet.

Back then, the root of all evil was video games.

Before that, it was role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons

Before that, television was to blame.

Rock and roll was the official cause of all woes prior to the advent of TV.

And before rock music, everybody blamed comic books.

Believe it or not, there were actual U.S. congressional hearings into how comics promoted violent behaviour, homosexuality and juvenile delinquency. So, how long will it be before someone (apart from Elton John) tries to shut down the Internet?

Society must have a scapegoat. It’s the Internet’s turn.

If you have the unhappy task of defending the net, don’t try to use logic. Don’t try to point out pornography, pedophilia and gambling existed long before the web came along.

And don’t try to point out the web is merely a tool, to be used for good or bad. Don’t even suggest people ought to take responsibility for their own actions.

Let’s face it: The web is inherently evil. It isolates us and fills us with misinformation. It has even polluted the political process.

And don’t think we’re safe from the Internet here in London. It’s everywhere.

You know all those out-of-control parties thrown by rowdy Fanshawe students last fall? If not for Facebook, which I’ve been told is part of the Internet, students would have no way to break the law. Or so implied Fanshawe president Howard Rundle.

Some people even shop on the Internet, so it must also be damaging our economy.

It’s cheating old-fashioned retailers out of money that is rightfully theirs. Consumers shouldn’t have the option to buy products they can’t even touch! The very thought is disturbing. They should have to put up with the same lousy service as the rest of us.

See how much better the world would be without the Internet? This one is a no-brainer.