Georgetown, Wednesday, November 17th, 9:15 a.m.:

At the Barnes & Noble in Washington’s Democratic establishment enclave, the lack of stampede is palpable. The stacks of “Going Rogue” sit unmolested, for now.

“I’ve sold three so far but there’ll be more of a rush at lunch, probably,” predicts a grandmotherly, Toronto-born bookseller who prefers to remain anonymous because she is not an authorized corporate spokesperson.

“Everybody’s gonna buy it, just because,” she adds. “Did you see her with Barbara Walters this morning? (eye roll)”

Pentagon City, Va. 9:45:

I crack open “Going Rogue” inside Borders Books at Pentagon Center.

“It was the Alaska State Fair, August, 2008. With the gray Talkeetna mountains in the distance and the first light covering of snow about to descend on Pioneer Peak, I breathed in an autumn bouquet that combined everything small-town America with rugged splashes of the Last Frontier. Cotton candy and foot-long hot dogs. Halibut tacos and reindeer sausage. Banjo music playing at the Blue Bonnet Stage, baleen etchings, grass-woven Eskimo baskets and record-breaking giant vegetables grown under the midnight sun.”

The room starts to spin. Foot-long halibut tacos and record-breaking giant reindeer sausages? What in God’s name is a "baleen etching"? Is it an etching of a baleen or artwork actually produced by a baleen, like chimpanzee sculpture? What is a baleen, anyway? If it’s a whale, why isn’t it just called a whale?? Could someone please turn down that banjo music?!

Dang. The Perky One asked all the wrong questions.