Not many would have ever thought one day she'd be known as The Happy Housewife!

Not even one-time sex Goddess Xaviera Hollander, who actually doesn't mind the title. She has been called worse.

Don't forget the woman known as The Happy Hooker was booted out of several countries during her wild past.

But housewife?

Not exactly a traditional one. The house this new wife is living in is one where S&M is not short for stove and mansion.

Turns out the world's most famous former prostitute longs for love and commitment too.

"Marriage is an institution and I am ready to be institutionalized," she joked of her Jan. 2 nuptials with fellow Dutchman Philip de Haan, 53.

He found out his new wife can still grab the headlines. News of the wedding moved on the international news wires -- a reminder that long before Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears were out for sexy nights of booze and paparazzi, Hollander was inventing it.

PENTHOUSE COLUMN

For the last seven years Xaviera, the former Penthouse sex columnist, has been running a bed and breakfast in Amsterdam. A long time removed from the success of her 1972 tell-all book, The Happy Hooker, who would have thought she would be one to settle for wedded bliss?

She has tried before. This is the friendly Xaviera's third time to the altar. "The first one was with a postman as a happy hooker, so I could stay in (the) country. Never touched the creep," she jokes. "The second was for real with Canadian antique dealer Frank Applebaum, whom I loved until he died last year of lung cancer. And now it is for keeps."

But her "very nice" new husband does get a little "uncomfortable" with people "being around me all the time."

He is in for an interesting time since, at 63, the legendary lady of the night and madam, whose real name is Vera de Vries, is still a "ball of fire" who burns for fun.

"Philip is very conservative," she says. "The last man I was with was a transvestite."

Not that there is anything wrong with that!

MOTTO

In fact that was Xaviera's motto which helped keep her out of more prudish North America for 28 years.

"I still love Toronto," she says. "I had a lot of good times there."

Yes she did. Her version of Toronto the Good was one where there was no such thing as last call and the buzz she created was legendary. Xaviera's Toronto entourage consisted of whomever was hip, including famous female impressionist the late Craig Russell, agent Gino Empry and Sun icon Paul Rimstead.

"She was the uncrowned Queen of the Scene," said Toronto film and TV producer Gene Mascardelli, who hung out with the "sexual revolution" crowd. "It was kind of a sex, drugs and alcohol thing."

For Xaviera, who was born in Indonesia, the party hasn't fully stopped. It has just shifted continents. "People come to Amsterdam for three reasons -- hash and weed, Van Gogh works and the red light district."

A fourth is Hollander's bed and breakfast, known as The Happy House. "It's a bed and brothel if it has to be," she jokes. "I don't supply the girls anymore but I know where to find them."

Customers know where to find her. She gets thousands of hits on her www.xavierahollander.com website. "At my place you can be as Bohemian as you want to be," she said. "Bondage domination and swinging are okay."

But lots of traditional couples stay for the breakfasts and a neat story to tell.

NO MORE NOTCHES

Xaviera says her days of putting notches on belts are long in the past -- as are pictures of her posing in slinky bikinis.

"I am quite a big woman now -- the size of a female football player," she teases.

More of her to love -- and the fact that lots have is something she wears as a badge of honour. She tells friends she has "earned every wrinkle."

It has been 35 years since she wrote the multi-million- selling The Happy Hooker --her chronicles of a life as a prostitute and its trials, tribulations and tales.

"I have been out the business 30 years," she said. "It's not my favourite topic."

But she still gets asked every day how many men have shared her sheets.

"It's like counting sheep," Xaviera answers. "I forgot how many -- except the ones I loved, which was about 10."

While she says Philip is her final one, she did ask for a "pre-nup."

All these years later she's a Smart, Happy Hooker Housewife.